Some Thoughts
December 4, 2007I weighed in at 14.12, or 208lbs, or 94.5kg. I didn’t end up doing a proper weigh in coz I am lazy. I will do one some time this week, possibly tomorrow or Friday. I have decided to have a proper weigh in once a month now because my rate of loss is much slower I just don’t feel I need to declare my weight on a weekly basis. I will still weigh in most days and update my sidebar accordingly.
Although my previous lowest weigh in was 14.13, I did go up to 15.3 again. The day I left for London (Friday) I weighed 15.2 so I have in fact lost 4lbs in 4 days of being in London. I only really ate my meals when I was up there but I did consume a lot of bread so I am hoping to reduce that again this week. I wish I could do without bread entirely but when I do I get obsessed with rice crackers and end up consuming more. And I am not inventive enough to come up with alternatives the whole time. I might have another go at making sushi this week.
I have just walked my son to school and I jogged half way home! Outside. In public. Heh. After how weak I felt in the gym yesterday I am taking every opportunity to raise my game. I also want to get into the low 14’s and late 13’s. It is funny, now I am in the 14’s firmly I am allowing myself to dream of the 13 stone era. I have a way to go yet but it is so much closer than it ever was and it is so exciting. I am also looking set to weigh under 200lbs by Christmas/New Year. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I am really starting to fall in love with my figure, possibly for the first time in my life. I guess because I was so big I can fully appreciate how far I have come. I love that my figure is more a straight highway than a short bumpy road with lots of twists and turns. I love how I can do so much more with my body now I have lost a lot of the excess weight. I love how I can look so much better in clothes and wear clothes I couldn’t dream of wearing in the past. I love the attention I am getting, and how I am treated so much differently.
Colleen Nolan from Loose Women was saying yesterday that she has lost 3 stone now and people treat her so much better. But not only that she is getting more offers of work now she has lost weight. People used to tell me I was imagining it when I would say I would be treated badly for being fat. Or if I wasn’t imagining it then I was paronoid because how can I possibly know it is because I am fat? But believe me, if you are being treated badly for being fat then you know about it. And I feel completely justified in those feelings now because I am treated absolutely differently these days.
There is a guy I have known for ages, years. We met online but met in real life in 2002 once. I was pretty fat then (about 18 stone) but he was cool. We had fun for a few days (purely platonic) but the last few days he has seen pictures of me at my current weight and keeps making remarks about me in a romantic light. I am not interested in him in the slightest in that way, I never have been. But it is kind of a little bit offensive that he is only seeing me in this light now, when we have known each other 6 years. I am the same person I always was. Well up to an extent. I guess personality does change with weightloss, but it is not my personality he has been commenting on. He is not the only one. I have lots coming out of the woodwork who have strangely been rather quiet the last five years or so, and lots of newbies too. Anyone who says weight is not the be all and end all is clearly deluded. 😛
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I walked up the slope from Waterloo East train station yesterday over to the main station, something I haven’t done since I was at my fattest. It used to be quite an ordeal getting up there. On shows that enable people to lose weight they always use bags of sugar or lard to express how much a person loses and I always thought that was not true. While it probably was the same weight for weight, it was different carrying it. But walking up that hill and noticing just how much easier it was I realised I really have lost 58lbs of lard.
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The governement/media have come up with yet another angle to berate obesity. Apparently, being obese drastically increases your risk of dying in childbirth. Now I know childbirth while fat is not the nicest experience as I talked about before, but the BBC article in question says that “More than half the 295 women who died [in the UK] during or after pregnancy between 2003 and 2005 were overweight or obese.” But then later on the article actually states that “Fifteen per cent of the mothers who died were morbid or super-morbidly obese.” So over 35% were”just” obese as opposed to “morbid” or “super-morbid”, which actually suggests it is more dangerous to have a BMI of 30-39 in pregnancy than 40+! At least if you are going to write an article with dramatic headlines make your piece stand up. LOL
Groovy Babe 
Hi GroovyBabe! I just thought I’d check in on you and see how things were going. I have to say that I love hearing you say that you love the way your body is looking. You’re doing so great!
And I agree wholeheartedly. The world does treat you differently when you’re obese. Sometimes I try to convince myself that it’s all in my head, but there are little evidences everywhere that tell me it’s not. I can’t wait until I finally lose this weight.
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The whole pregnancy thing makes me ill. It’s soooo not true. It’s just a bunch of junk-science. As a doula, I can tell you that I’ve run into more problems at the births of those overly athletic “healthy” moms than some of my most overweight (400+) moms. Overweight moms tend to actually be more pro-active during their pregancies, while athletic/healthy moms do the opposite, and start thinking pregnancy is a license to “do what I want.” That overweight moms are more at risk is a misnomer.
I love that you are feeling a change in attitude towards your body, I always imagined I’d be right about your weight when I start to feel “human” again. I completely understand that people do treat you differently when you are overweight. I’ve experienced it so many times, I can’t even begin to list them all.
Congrats on jogging home…in PUBLIC!! You’ve come so far and its such an inspiration.
I think there are a lot of people who treat fat people like lepers.
But I think there is more to it than that.
I thought my fatness made me invisible. Then I lost weight and I got so much more attention. Then I gained most of the weight back and I still get about 90% of the attention. Those 10% are idiot people who don’t talk to fatties. The 90% I still get is because while I’ve gained the weight back, I still have the confidence I gained when I lost the weight last time. People like to talk to confident people and I’m more likely to put myself out there or strike up conversations with others because I’m confident.
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re: the lard
Imagine the stress on your joints, carrying around that weight…your body is going to function so much better without the “lard.”
Susan – Yeah, it’s not in your head, sadly. But I am pleased to tell you that if you lose weight then it does get better. At least it is something we can change, eh…
Betz – I do think that confidence has a role to play in interaction with others, definitely. Confident people, even when bigger, are much more attractive than insecure people. I agree with that wholeheartedly. However, I am not talking about interaction or making friends really, not completely anyway. It is more a first impression thing that has improved for me. I am still very insecure (as you can undoubtedly tell from my emails) but the way people respond to me is a thousand times better than it used to be. It confuses me because I don’t think I have lost enough to warrant such a change in attitude but evidently people are much more responsive to a 34bmi than a 43… People are so much friendlier, they act like I am not invisable, they are interested in talking to me, and even more, this is all things that never happened at all in the past. I can assure you that it is not imagined. Being fat in todays society (particularly the UK) is tantamount to committing murder. I am still fairly fat and still come across discrimination but it is nowhere near as bad as it used to be.
Oh I’m talking about first impressions. Nobody is going to talk to someone who thinks themselves unworthy to be talked to!
But then, looks do matter, regardless of how everyone SAYS they go for people’s personalities, you just can’t see someone’s personality from across the room. I saw my boyfriend from 20feet away and said to my friend “I want that one” because I liked the look of him. And yeah, if he was short I wouldn’t have even noticed him!
I think on the one hand someone meeting you for the first time cannot know if you think you are worthy of chatting to but then I think if you are obese then that says in itself that you do not value yourself, and therefore nor should they.
I think, like you, that looks are definitely the deciding factor in whether you strike up a conversation with someone. Not just in the opposite sex, either. But I think if you are more confident you will put yourself more open to meeting other and be more open and friendly when others do approach you meaning making friends is easier. But looks are foremost the most important factor.
Even in finding work. I have found finding work sooo much harder since I put on weight. People want someone to represent their company not drive business away and they chose someone based on looks because that is what can make someone want to do business with you.
What a shallow world we live in!