Hello. I know, I have been awol. I am not even sure why really. All I can say is I have been going through a really hard time this last month, and although I have tried to diet, it has not really been at the foremost of my mind.
I joined weightwatchers but I couldn’t really afford to go and tried doing it on my own but it didn’t really work out very well. When I started I was 15.0 stones, I went down to 14.7 but ended up putting it all back on again. Yesterday I weighed in at 15.1 stones.
I have noticed my shape filling out again when I look in the mirror. I am developing that rounded, obese look again and I really don’t like it. I have been compulsively eating, feeling unable to control it. I have felt devoid of energy, which means my exercise regime has suffered. Severe insomnia has not helped matters either.
I went to the doctors a few days ago and he says I am clinically depressed and I have been put on a course of anti-depressants. I am normally very against using these for myself but I have gotten to the point where life is just getting the better of me and if I do not find a way to combat it then I am going to end up at 19 stones again. The tablets I have been put on also send me to sleep, so it should solve the insomnia issue, which I believe is half of the battle.
Yesterday I decided would be my first day on my healthy eating plan but that lasted until about 8.30am, LOL, when I started binging. I pretty much gave up after that. I woke up today feeling much more able. It helped that I did not wake up until 7.45am so the day starts a bit later. I had 40g cereal with soy(a) milk at about 9am, had an apple at 10am and at midday ate some home made vegetable soup I have made. I found getting through from breakfast to lunch really difficult, I think because I am so used to grazing, but the fact that I did not give in says I will do this. I just have to get through the afternoon, I may have a wholemeal muffin midafternoon, and then dinner and I will take my sleeping pill/anti-depressant at about 7pm. That will work well because evenings are my worst time for comfort eating.
I have decided to have some time off from going out. I do enjoy it but the dramas that come with it are really getting me down. I need to rid my life of all stress at the moment and this means having me time. I just want to concentrate on getting well again and losing some weight.
I just wish I could exercise again but I have a bad shin (its always something!). A few days ago my right shin started hurting to the point where I could barely walk. The dr says I have been walking on it too much and I need complete rest, which is horrible because I like being active. He thinks it may be because I started wearing flip flops and my toes have been trying to grip.
