I have changed my layout once more, the effort I have put in this time really does reflect just how serious I feel about it now. I guess I had to get to the point where I need to turn it around and last night something clicked into place in my head, it felt different, and I guess that was motivation and focus that I so badly needed.
I was really bad with eating last night, once I have a bad choice that is pretty much it, the day is a write off, so I just ate with abandon, knowing today would be completely different. If I am perfectly honest though I did wonder if it would be any different today but when I woke up it just was, like motivation had parked its bum in today.
I stayed awake all day yesterday so that I would sleep last night but when it came to it I’d worked myself up into such a tizz about The Boy that sleep was not forthcoming at all. That is why I ended up redesigning my blog. It was 6am before I got any zeds, I had to get up at 7am and was back to sleep at 8am and was rudely awoken by the electricty company at 11. So as you can imagine I am shattered.
When I woke up I was quite busy, and frankly full from last night, so I didnt eat. I just had a cup of tea, with a dash of skimmed milk and canderel. Then I went over to my friends until 4.30pm so didn’t eat a thing all day. I came home and had my toast with marg and jam and another cup of tea (tea and toast is such a treat!) but got hungry within the hour so had my puffed wheat and a banana. I am just cooking up my dinner which is sweet potato, veg and salmon fishcake. Hopefully it will be all I eat tonight as I will take a Nytol tonight to get off to sleep and will give me a head start.
I weighed in this morning. I knew it would not be pretty and I was right. 15.4 stones or 214lbs. But it can only go down now that I am watching what I eat.
When I lost all that weight I felt so confident, I was untouchable. I really felt on top of the world. But the last few months I have started dating again and due to bad choices (when will I learn!?) my confidence has slowly been eroding. It hasn’t helped that due to boy-stress I ended up putting 10lbs on so when I looked in the mirror lately and could visably see those 10lbs around my waistline, my confidence has plummeted further. The last few weeks I have got my mojo back, and my sense of equilibrium, so I have slowly been re-gaining control of what I eat. But the thoughts I have when I look in the mirror these last few days are quite worrying. I haven’t felt this bad about myself (well, my look) since I weighed 19 stone. I really don’t know what I can do about it other than to start losing weight again (don’t bother telling me weightloss on its own won’t bring confidence – it does!) so I need to get really serious about this. REALLY SERIOUS.
