I must…

I have updated my blog look again. Having trouble with my widgets admin page though so doesn’t look too fab just yet. Hopefully will all be sorted soon though.

Was doing good then got depressed again and put a few pounds on. Back on diet tomorrow though and hopefully will have some damage limitation for weigh in on Wednesday. Must just get on with it.

Went out at the weekend, was mental as usual.

Still not back in the gym, must do that this week. I have been exercising more though. Must drink more water and eat less bread.

I must lose weight. Period.

Counting Down the Days

I am still not feeling great, but I am at least a little more positive today. I have been good with food all day and my body feels ‘cleaner’ for it. I also went for two walks in the sunshine this afternoon and that has really helped, I think.

I have started using my fitday PC programme again. I don’t really log food in it as being an American programme it is too ardous to type in all my English foods from scratch, but it is a very useful tool in tracking my weightloss and measurements. As you can see I have set myself a new goal. I am putting my past weightloss down as a completed challenge and starting afresh today. If I aim for a loss of 2lb per week by Christmas I can be within the normal healthy range. That is in less than 6 months. I can be normal before the year is out! Seeing it this clearly is spuring me on.

I have made a decision to get some kind of exercise every day for seven days and see if that improves my mood. I am also going to keep eating well and writing everything down. I know I have been here before and said this stuff one too many times but I have to keep trying. I have to just remember that this is within my reach, all it takes is a bit of effort and concentration on my part.

I wrote about feeling so down constantly and I know the last time I felt like this weightloss is what turned my life around so I know what I have to do. At least this time I have half the distance to go that I had the first time around and I can reach goal much quicker. In 26 weeks. Half a year exactly.

Oh So Yummy

I don’t where to start. I’ve been so up and down, more down than up, fighting with everyone and God knows what else. I don’t want to deliberate on it too much on an open blog but yeah life for Groovybabe is far from okay at the moment. Not feeling very groovy at the moment and I am certainly not feeling babe-licious!

Despite this, I have not forgotten my weight problems. I’ve not been controlling them very well though. I was doing well, lost about 4lbs last week and then I got down and it all went out of the window. I stopped weighing and my eating gradually got worse. At one point me and my son even made a lovely big chocolate cake. I dread to think of the calories involved in that debacle. I just felt so powerless to stop it. I was eating consciously thinking its the only good thing in my life at the moment. Which isn’t strictly speaking true but thats how it was feeling when I was binging.

When I look in the mirror I can see the weight I have gained in the last couple of months. My body is expanding again and I don’t like it at all. I’m scared I am going to get really big. But even as I am I don’t like my body at all. A few months ago I had so much confidence and was on top of the world because I was in control of my weightloss and it is all out of the window now and it is horrible to be so down on myself.

A friend came around for a coffee before and I was saying to her I think I need to get back into the gym. That is where I seem to go right. It is going to help lift the depression too. I am going to have to try getting my mojo for that back, I think.

I decided to get back on the scales today. I was scared, I was sure with the chocolate cake and the binging – not to mention copious amounts of alcohol last night – I would have put on about half a stone but I weighed in at 14.11, which is about 4lbs less than I expected – at least. So that has helped me to get back on the ww. I am doing it properly now. I am writing it all down and my points too. I just ate a stirfry, which will be low points and was oh so yummy.

Confidence

I widgetized my sidebar and it messed up the background and looked funny and I couldn’t work out how to fix it so I have taken off my colourful background image. :’( At least it looks clean, I guess.

I went out last night and have vague memories of tequila shots and am feeling rather delicate so the fact that I am writing in here today now is testiment to just how serious I am about wanting to get back on track with losing.

I weighed myself just now and am still 14.9. It is starting to fustrate me a little bit now. I always always lose weight after a big night but I haven’t this week. Probably something to do with the lovely big burger I ate last night (before I went out) but it was delicious! I didn’t dance last night really so did not burn off calories but I did end up walking across the city at 4am on my own to get to my mums house because I lost my friends and had no money on me. I know! I was very scared but luckily nothing happened to me. Actually I ran for a quite a while too. W00t.

When I lost all that weight I felt so confident, I was untouchable. I really felt on top of the world. But the last few months I have started dating again and due to bad choices (when will I learn!?) my confidence has slowly been eroding. It hasn’t helped that due to boy-stress I ended up putting 10lbs on so when I looked in the mirror lately and could visably see those 10lbs around my waistline, my confidence has plummeted further. The last few weeks I have got my mojo back, and my sense of equilibrium, so I have slowly been re-gaining control of what I eat. But the thoughts I have when I look in the mirror these last few days are quite worrying. I haven’t felt this bad about myself (well, my look) since I weighed 19 stone. I really don’t know what I can do about it other than to start losing weight again (don’t bother telling me weightloss on its own won’t bring confidence – it does!) so I need to get really serious about this. REALLY SERIOUS.

Here are my intentions:

• Stick to 1600 calories, or less.
• Do NOT eat during the night. Ever.
• Drink 2-3 litres of fluids every day.
• Some form of exercise every day.
• Gym 3x a week.
• Weigh myself daily.
• Write in my blog daily.
• Keep my food diary updated.

I am also going to the doctors tomorrow for a blood test. I have been feeling wiped out for weeks now and it is not only intefering with my exercise plan but my life in general. I don’t think it can be anything too serious as I have not had it affect my weight but I think it is a good idea to get these things checked out.

More Successful

I ate really badly last night throughout the night but when I woke up this morning I felt nauseous, I had the pre-sick water thing in my mouth, so I didn’t eat a thing until 2pm. I have just logged up my calories on this fantastic new site: www.mynetdiary.com and it has come up at 1600 calories. I also did an hour of walking today as well, so if I manage to not have a midnight binge, I should stay on track with weightloss.

I think I will be alright about not binging tonight. I seem to have begun to lose my appitite today. I guess that is down to feeling sick. I hope I am not feeling wiped out tomorrow and that I can enjoy a workout. Have decided that if my health is still affecting me come Monday I will go have some blood tests (its the panic anxiety sufferer in me worrying – I dont suffer now but the thought processes are still nagging at me).

In non-health related news, this morning I was locked in my apartment! I went to open the Yale lock and the door was jammed. I tried everything to open it and was about to ring the landlord to come out and sort it out when my Daddy arrived randomly and managed to fiddle it open! Phew!

I have updated the site again, it is very colourful. I still need to play around with it and touch it up, and sort out the sidebar but it looks different!