Full of Cold

I had a good day yesterday with food. I managed to find a way around night time eating. I ate around 1000 calories during the day so that I had another 400 to play with during the night. Obviously, night time eating is not ideal but at the end of the day what matters is the amount of calories over all. I probably ended up going over by about 200 but that is much better than going over by 700 like I normally do!

Last week I had a good week and lost 6lbs but then over the next day or two I ended up putting it all back on again and returning to 15.4. A lot of that loss was through dehydration so it was not a complete surprise it went back on but there were binges involved. I have been exercising this week and I think that is helping but I have gradually been getting better and am down to 15.0 today. I feel so achieved with this because it has been slower and I know it is more likely to stay off. It encourages me not to binge too.

I have eight weeks until I am going on the cruise, which, at 2lbs per week, means I can lose 16lbs for the trip. This means I will weigh 13.12 stones. Getting into the 13’s has been a goal of mine for probably six months now, so I am just really going to go for it. I want to go work out this afternoon but I am full of cold today and I am not sure I should or whether I will achieve anything.

My hosting is running out on here today and I am too broke to pay for it again this week so the site may be down for a week or so but in the mean time I will write in http://groovybabe.wordpress.com

I’m Going On A Cruise

I have a new incentive to lose weight. My friend has just won an overnight stay on a cruise ship and she has asked me to go with her! We sail from Southampton to Brugge (Belguim) overnight, stay in Brugge for the day and then head back. It is in September. I cannot wait. Everything onboard is free except for alcohol, and we plan on finding some mugs nice young men onboard to fund that! I have to buy a nice new posh outfit so I want to lose some weight and look great! I am going to get a new ‘do and everything. I am so excited!

I had another manic weekend. It was good fun, met a new man but again I don’t think anything will come of it *le sigh*. Still, it was a fun time… Monday I was so worn out from the weekend excesses, it wasn’t really tiredness so much as a huge lack of energy. Tuesday I felt a bit better so I went to the gym. I didn’t have as much energy as I would have liked for my workout but I got through it best I could. Today I woke up with the flu so that explains my lack of energy lately. I am hoping it is just a 24-hour thing though so that I can go work out again tomorrow. I have my cruise to get slim for!!

I cancelled my wwonline subscription. It just isn’t working for me at all. I am up and down like a yo-yo. I am trying calorie counting again with weightlossresources.co.uk as I have had more luck with that in the past, so let’s see how I go with that.

I keep buying and eating strawberries, which in itself is not a bad thing. But according to Gillian McKeith they raise your sex drive and I really do not need mine raising any more than it already is! LOL

Meet You In The Kitchen At 3am?

A couple of months ago I talked about my night time eating. It was a problem then and it is still a problem now. This is intensified by the fact that I suffer from insomnia. But I tend to wake up in the night and half-consciously go and eat, go back to bed, wake up a couple of hours later and repeat the behaviour. This can happen between 2-4 times per night and I don’t know why. I am being so good in the day time and yet including my night time eating I am only just maintaining my weight. I have tried everything I can think of to counter this behaviour. It happens more on sleeping tablets than off then but it is a rare night I don’t eat at all.

I was chatting to my cousin about this at lunch time today. She suffers from it too, we both agreed our rate of loss would be better if we could combat this. We have tried telling ourselves not to do it before going to sleep, having only healthy food around, eating before going to bed, having breakfast but nothing solves it. So I was wondering if any of you have suffered with this and overcome it and if you did and have how did you get past it?

I went to the gym again today. I am so glad I am back into working out, it makes me feel so good. I ran for 10 minutes today and found it fairly easy to do so. I felt so great afterwards, and the weight training is making me feel stronger again.

I eat too much bread, out of all my food vices this is by far the worst. I have gotten into the habit in the last week or so of having a one-egg omelette inside a wholemeal pitta bread, coupled with margarine, this becomes quite calorific. Today I decided to forego the pitta and I had the omelette with a side salad I prepared instead and over halved the calories involved. I felt better for it too. My son is on summer holidays now so I do not need to buy bread for the next 6 weeks, so once the bread we have has gone I am going to try not to eat it at all for a while. It might help de-bloat me if nothing else. What is your food vice?

You Lazy Mare

I was getting back on track yesterday but then I made the mistake of going to the shop before dinner… I only had a twix and some rainbow drops but it set the precedent for the rest of the evening and it ended in distaster. I figured today was a new day.

This morning I discovered that my son (who is just hitting his teens) purposely didn’t invite me to his sports day because he is embarrassed by me. After some investigation I found out it is because of the way I look, because I am fat….

It is interesting because I know I am fat, still technically obese, but considering I have lost so much weight I dont really think of myself as such. But I know I am.

But this is going to spur me on. I mean, I have a lot of reasons for wanting to lose weight – to look good, to be healthy, to be seen as attractive to others… but if nothing else it is worth making my son proud to have me as his mother. I have been good today so I am back on track now. I am about to have a wholemeal pitta for lunch.

I am currently trying to argue with my inner lazy self about whether to go to the gym today. I didn’t have much sleep so am trying to convince myself that I am too tired. Plus my right arm is hurting from playing too much wii the other night, but the other side is saying – you want to make your son proud? Then get to the gym you lazy mare!!

Quiche

I have been doing a lot of thinking about why, when I lose control, this happens? Am I greedy? Am I emotionally weak? Am I a junk food addict? One can never really know the full answer to this situation, just learn by their triggers and try to be better the next time.

Since I have been back on the ‘wagon’, I have been getting progressively better at handling my food. To the point of losing 6lbs in the first 5 days. That suddenly changed yesterday when we had quiche for dinner. To clarify, this was not homemade from fresh ingredients, it was a frozen quiche from the supermarket.

Within an hour of eating the quiche I felt a really strong need to eat and eat and eat. This was rather odd given I had just eaten a large meal and didn’t, previously to the meal, have much of an appitite at all. I resisted and resisted until about 9pm when I ended up giving in and having a one egg omelette inside a pita and then a bowl of cereal. Normally my binges are much bigger so I think I handled it well but still, the cravings seemed to come out of nowhere.

I woke up this morning ravenous. Given I ate before I slept I should not have been hungry for hours after waking. But I had a cup of tea and two toast, with marg and Jam. But I was still hungry and ended up having 3 weetabix and 2 more pieces of toast with another cup of tea within the hour (!). I told myself I would not have anything else until dinner. I had a nap and when I woke up I was hungry still. I managed to hold off until 12.30 when I made myself some plain noodles with a tin of tuna.

After eating that my hunger really subsided. Its now 3 hours since I ate the tuna and noodles and I am still not even remotely hungry. I think I am back on track. I am thankful it lasted less than 24 hours but it makes me realise just how powerful the chemicals are in junk and processed foods (such as the quiche) and how eating the right foods (such as plain noodles and tuna) can help to control appitite.

I think half the battle is in realising this.

On a side note, I have set up a challenge page for a little competition I am running to lose 10% of our body weight. It’s only me and Tigerlily at the moment so please join up!

wwonline

I weighed in this morning and was the same, 15.4 stones. Initially I was not impressed, I’d hoped – and thought – I would see a pound or so fall, after all I *have* been trying hard! But then I thought again and realised this is no bad thing. For the past 5 dayas before I started again I put on half a stone so the fact that I am maintaining does show a difference. I just think the scales do reflect eating behaviour. I have been much better but I havent been fantastic. Mostly though I have managed to restrict my appitite somewhat and that is a good thing.

Today I feel strong enough to go back onto wwonline so that is what I have done. I had a lay in today so didn’t eat until quarter to twelve so allowed myself a bigger than normal breakfast. I had an apple, a banana, 2 wholemeal bread with marg and jam. (5 points in total) The only thing missing was a cup of decaff tea, but I didn’t think of that until I was mid-way through my toast.

Today is Saturday, which means one thing. Party time! Actually I am not sure what is happening tonight yet, I am waiting on my friend and her ability to get a babysitter. But if I do go out I think I am going to stay away from beer. I have one left in the fridge so I will have that but then I will change to Malibu and diet coke, I think. I used to drink vodka and diet coke but that is 1 point per shot and Malibu is only half a point. So in theory I could have twice the amount! I will limit myself to 6 though, like I used to in the good old days when I was successful at dieting.

I am back on Xenical again today. I am just much more successful at not binging when I know I will suffer for it, so hopefully that will help. I have 12 days supply left, so I will see how I go with that and go back to the nurse for more if need be.

First Day…

I have changed my layout once more, the effort I have put in this time really does reflect just how serious I feel about it now. I guess I had to get to the point where I need to turn it around and last night something clicked into place in my head, it felt different, and I guess that was motivation and focus that I so badly needed.

I was really bad with eating last night, once I have a bad choice that is pretty much it, the day is a write off, so I just ate with abandon, knowing today would be completely different. If I am perfectly honest though I did wonder if it would be any different today but when I woke up it just was, like motivation had parked its bum in today.

I stayed awake all day yesterday so that I would sleep last night but when it came to it I’d worked myself up into such a tizz about The Boy that sleep was not forthcoming at all. That is why I ended up redesigning my blog. It was 6am before I got any zeds, I had to get up at 7am and was back to sleep at 8am and was rudely awoken by the electricty company at 11. So as you can imagine I am shattered.

When I woke up I was quite busy, and frankly full from last night, so I didnt eat. I just had a cup of tea, with a dash of skimmed milk and canderel. Then I went over to my friends until 4.30pm so didn’t eat a thing all day. I came home and had my toast with marg and jam and another cup of tea (tea and toast is such a treat!) but got hungry within the hour so had my puffed wheat and a banana. I am just cooking up my dinner which is sweet potato, veg and salmon fishcake. Hopefully it will be all I eat tonight as I will take a Nytol tonight to get off to sleep and will give me a head start.

I weighed in this morning. I knew it would not be pretty and I was right. 15.4 stones or 214lbs. But it can only go down now that I am watching what I eat.

Getting The Control Back

I am out of control. This week has been horrific for my healthy eating plan. Today culmulated in my devouring all sorts of junk in a futile attempt at fixing my emotional needs. But I was unhealthy to a turning point, I think. I have realised I have to do this, and take it day by day. Only I can gain control again. I remember when I took control the first time around. I did it, I found the strength from nowhere. I DO have it in me to lose weight, even when life is not going my way and it’s about time I took control again.

So for the first time in my life I have written my eating plan BEFORE I eat it. Here it is and yes it is quite stodgy and full of bread but I have to work it so my body can cope with small changes. At this stage if I manage to keep to the calories below it will be a successful day.

Breakfast – 7am

2 wholemeal toast, marg, jam (230 calories)

Morning Snack – 10am

45g Puffed Wheat, Skimmed Milk (200 calories)

Lunch – 12.30pm

Cheese sandwich, banana (350 calories)

Afternoon Snack – 2-3pm

Packet crisps(potato chips), home made veggie soup if needed (120 calories)

Dinner – 5pm

Sweet potato, veg, 2 sausages or a burger (350 calories)

Evening Snack – 7-8pm

Sandwich (250 calories)

This comes to exactly 1500 calories, which is a good amount to consume for my weight. I am also going to go to the gym tomorrow. No excuses.

Counting Down the Days

I am still not feeling great, but I am at least a little more positive today. I have been good with food all day and my body feels ‘cleaner’ for it. I also went for two walks in the sunshine this afternoon and that has really helped, I think.

I have started using my fitday PC programme again. I don’t really log food in it as being an American programme it is too ardous to type in all my English foods from scratch, but it is a very useful tool in tracking my weightloss and measurements. As you can see I have set myself a new goal. I am putting my past weightloss down as a completed challenge and starting afresh today. If I aim for a loss of 2lb per week by Christmas I can be within the normal healthy range. That is in less than 6 months. I can be normal before the year is out! Seeing it this clearly is spuring me on.

I have made a decision to get some kind of exercise every day for seven days and see if that improves my mood. I am also going to keep eating well and writing everything down. I know I have been here before and said this stuff one too many times but I have to keep trying. I have to just remember that this is within my reach, all it takes is a bit of effort and concentration on my part.

I wrote about feeling so down constantly and I know the last time I felt like this weightloss is what turned my life around so I know what I have to do. At least this time I have half the distance to go that I had the first time around and I can reach goal much quicker. In 26 weeks. Half a year exactly.

Oh So Yummy

I don’t where to start. I’ve been so up and down, more down than up, fighting with everyone and God knows what else. I don’t want to deliberate on it too much on an open blog but yeah life for Groovybabe is far from okay at the moment. Not feeling very groovy at the moment and I am certainly not feeling babe-licious!

Despite this, I have not forgotten my weight problems. I’ve not been controlling them very well though. I was doing well, lost about 4lbs last week and then I got down and it all went out of the window. I stopped weighing and my eating gradually got worse. At one point me and my son even made a lovely big chocolate cake. I dread to think of the calories involved in that debacle. I just felt so powerless to stop it. I was eating consciously thinking its the only good thing in my life at the moment. Which isn’t strictly speaking true but thats how it was feeling when I was binging.

When I look in the mirror I can see the weight I have gained in the last couple of months. My body is expanding again and I don’t like it at all. I’m scared I am going to get really big. But even as I am I don’t like my body at all. A few months ago I had so much confidence and was on top of the world because I was in control of my weightloss and it is all out of the window now and it is horrible to be so down on myself.

A friend came around for a coffee before and I was saying to her I think I need to get back into the gym. That is where I seem to go right. It is going to help lift the depression too. I am going to have to try getting my mojo for that back, I think.

I decided to get back on the scales today. I was scared, I was sure with the chocolate cake and the binging – not to mention copious amounts of alcohol last night – I would have put on about half a stone but I weighed in at 14.11, which is about 4lbs less than I expected – at least. So that has helped me to get back on the ww. I am doing it properly now. I am writing it all down and my points too. I just ate a stirfry, which will be low points and was oh so yummy.