Full of Cold

I had a good day yesterday with food. I managed to find a way around night time eating. I ate around 1000 calories during the day so that I had another 400 to play with during the night. Obviously, night time eating is not ideal but at the end of the day what matters is the amount of calories over all. I probably ended up going over by about 200 but that is much better than going over by 700 like I normally do!

Last week I had a good week and lost 6lbs but then over the next day or two I ended up putting it all back on again and returning to 15.4. A lot of that loss was through dehydration so it was not a complete surprise it went back on but there were binges involved. I have been exercising this week and I think that is helping but I have gradually been getting better and am down to 15.0 today. I feel so achieved with this because it has been slower and I know it is more likely to stay off. It encourages me not to binge too.

I have eight weeks until I am going on the cruise, which, at 2lbs per week, means I can lose 16lbs for the trip. This means I will weigh 13.12 stones. Getting into the 13’s has been a goal of mine for probably six months now, so I am just really going to go for it. I want to go work out this afternoon but I am full of cold today and I am not sure I should or whether I will achieve anything.

My hosting is running out on here today and I am too broke to pay for it again this week so the site may be down for a week or so but in the mean time I will write in http://groovybabe.wordpress.com

I’m Going On A Cruise

I have a new incentive to lose weight. My friend has just won an overnight stay on a cruise ship and she has asked me to go with her! We sail from Southampton to Brugge (Belguim) overnight, stay in Brugge for the day and then head back. It is in September. I cannot wait. Everything onboard is free except for alcohol, and we plan on finding some mugs nice young men onboard to fund that! I have to buy a nice new posh outfit so I want to lose some weight and look great! I am going to get a new ‘do and everything. I am so excited!

I had another manic weekend. It was good fun, met a new man but again I don’t think anything will come of it *le sigh*. Still, it was a fun time… Monday I was so worn out from the weekend excesses, it wasn’t really tiredness so much as a huge lack of energy. Tuesday I felt a bit better so I went to the gym. I didn’t have as much energy as I would have liked for my workout but I got through it best I could. Today I woke up with the flu so that explains my lack of energy lately. I am hoping it is just a 24-hour thing though so that I can go work out again tomorrow. I have my cruise to get slim for!!

I cancelled my wwonline subscription. It just isn’t working for me at all. I am up and down like a yo-yo. I am trying calorie counting again with weightlossresources.co.uk as I have had more luck with that in the past, so let’s see how I go with that.

I keep buying and eating strawberries, which in itself is not a bad thing. But according to Gillian McKeith they raise your sex drive and I really do not need mine raising any more than it already is! LOL

Good Days

I have been thinking about going to the gym for ages; for the last seven weeks that I haven’t been there, in fact. There have been a variety of reasons. First off I stopped going because I was suffering from suspected anaemia, where I literally had no energy at all. Then when I got my energy stores up again I suffered from a sprain on the front of my right calf, meaning I could barely walk at all. Then I got depressed, then insomnia was raging making fitting it in with my responsibilities hard, then depression again and finally just pure laziness.

During times when I could go, I just had no mojo to do it. You know what it is like when you get out of exercising, getting back into it is almost impossible. The mind plays tricks on you, convincing you that you don’t want or need to go. In fact, last week I decided to cancel my membership. That would have taken the decision out of my hands, wouldn’t it?!!

The last couple of weeks I have been trying to get serious about weightloss and everytime I have a good start initially I end up destroying the good work. Take this last week. I lost 6lbs then the next day end up binging. I then binge for 2 days before trying to get back into it. This morning when my son told me he was too embarrassed to have me at his sports day it hit home that I am really not taking this seriously enough. When I was successful at weightloss before it was because I was so totally focused that everything else came a poor second. I never once tried to fit healthy eating and exercise into my life, my life fitted in around those things and I had to get that back.

I am not going to lie, it was my sons comments that gave me the kick up the bum I needed to get back into the gym. But it was the kick up the bum that I needed. For ages I just completely lost my confidence and didn’t feel I could even go in the gym, thats how low I felt about myself. But I was being silly. I rang the gym today before I went in to make sure my membership was okay as I havent been for ages and they were really friendly so it was all good.

I thought I would have completely lost my fitness after seven weeks off but I was surprised at just how much I could do. I walked to the gym, which takes 45 minutes, plus I had a few errands to run, so I classed that as my warm up. Then I did 15 minutes on the XT, at between 8-10 speed. Then I stretched and did 20 minutes on the treadmill with Interval Training, 7 minutes of which were jogging. I then did some weight training. I couldn’t do the full weights I normally do because my arms are killing me from playing too much wii the other day, but I just dropped a weight on each and it was fine. I then did some sit ups, stretches and did my 45 minute walk home.

I have been very good with food today. I have logged everything and it is 9pm and I have 7 ww points left yet, so it is all good. I came out of the gym feeling so euphoric, so much happier and quite a bit more confident, actually. It is really helping me to manage my eating habits too. Early days but hopefully good days.

You Lazy Mare

I was getting back on track yesterday but then I made the mistake of going to the shop before dinner… I only had a twix and some rainbow drops but it set the precedent for the rest of the evening and it ended in distaster. I figured today was a new day.

This morning I discovered that my son (who is just hitting his teens) purposely didn’t invite me to his sports day because he is embarrassed by me. After some investigation I found out it is because of the way I look, because I am fat….

It is interesting because I know I am fat, still technically obese, but considering I have lost so much weight I dont really think of myself as such. But I know I am.

But this is going to spur me on. I mean, I have a lot of reasons for wanting to lose weight – to look good, to be healthy, to be seen as attractive to others… but if nothing else it is worth making my son proud to have me as his mother. I have been good today so I am back on track now. I am about to have a wholemeal pitta for lunch.

I am currently trying to argue with my inner lazy self about whether to go to the gym today. I didn’t have much sleep so am trying to convince myself that I am too tired. Plus my right arm is hurting from playing too much wii the other night, but the other side is saying – you want to make your son proud? Then get to the gym you lazy mare!!

Excuse moi, for I need a wii!

I am at the tail end of day two. I havent been fantastic but I have been a lot better than I was. I’ve noticed my stomach has reduced a bit in size, my bowel movement have awoken (!) and my appitite is dwindling. This has got to be good. I didn’t weigh in today, I thought I would do it tomorrow hoping to see a bit more of a difference by waiting 2 days.

My mum came over with her wii and we (wii?) played wii sports, how exhausting! Tennis really works you!! I did the fit test and first time got 80 (!!!!) and then 58! I think I have to improve my fitness levels!

I got a letter from my gym saying my direct debit is going up inline with inflation. I think I am going to cancel my membership because I havent been going and I really can’t afford it at the moment. Maybe I’ll pick it up again in a few months. It’s summer and I live by the beach, I really have no excuse!

Counting Down the Days

I am still not feeling great, but I am at least a little more positive today. I have been good with food all day and my body feels ‘cleaner’ for it. I also went for two walks in the sunshine this afternoon and that has really helped, I think.

I have started using my fitday PC programme again. I don’t really log food in it as being an American programme it is too ardous to type in all my English foods from scratch, but it is a very useful tool in tracking my weightloss and measurements. As you can see I have set myself a new goal. I am putting my past weightloss down as a completed challenge and starting afresh today. If I aim for a loss of 2lb per week by Christmas I can be within the normal healthy range. That is in less than 6 months. I can be normal before the year is out! Seeing it this clearly is spuring me on.

I have made a decision to get some kind of exercise every day for seven days and see if that improves my mood. I am also going to keep eating well and writing everything down. I know I have been here before and said this stuff one too many times but I have to keep trying. I have to just remember that this is within my reach, all it takes is a bit of effort and concentration on my part.

I wrote about feeling so down constantly and I know the last time I felt like this weightloss is what turned my life around so I know what I have to do. At least this time I have half the distance to go that I had the first time around and I can reach goal much quicker. In 26 weeks. Half a year exactly.

Back Again

Hello. I know, I have been awol. I am not even sure why really. All I can say is I have been going through a really hard time this last month, and although I have tried to diet, it has not really been at the foremost of my mind.

I joined weightwatchers but I couldn’t really afford to go and tried doing it on my own but it didn’t really work out very well. When I started I was 15.0 stones, I went down to 14.7 but ended up putting it all back on again. Yesterday I weighed in at 15.1 stones.

I have noticed my shape filling out again when I look in the mirror. I am developing that rounded, obese look again and I really don’t like it. I have been compulsively eating, feeling unable to control it. I have felt devoid of energy, which means my exercise regime has suffered. Severe insomnia has not helped matters either.

I went to the doctors a few days ago and he says I am clinically depressed and I have been put on a course of anti-depressants. I am normally very against using these for myself but I have gotten to the point where life is just getting the better of me and if I do not find a way to combat it then I am going to end up at 19 stones again. The tablets I have been put on also send me to sleep, so it should solve the insomnia issue, which I believe is half of the battle.

Yesterday I decided would be my first day on my healthy eating plan but that lasted until about 8.30am, LOL, when I started binging. I pretty much gave up after that. I woke up today feeling much more able. It helped that I did not wake up until 7.45am so the day starts a bit later. I had 40g cereal with soy(a) milk at about 9am, had an apple at 10am and at midday ate some home made vegetable soup I have made. I found getting through from breakfast to lunch really difficult, I think because I am so used to grazing, but the fact that I did not give in says I will do this. I just have to get through the afternoon, I may have a wholemeal muffin midafternoon, and then dinner and I will take my sleeping pill/anti-depressant at about 7pm. That will work well because evenings are my worst time for comfort eating.

I have decided to have some time off from going out. I do enjoy it but the dramas that come with it are really getting me down. I need to rid my life of all stress at the moment and this means having me time. I just want to concentrate on getting well again and losing some weight.

I just wish I could exercise again but I have a bad shin (its always something!). A few days ago my right shin started hurting to the point where I could barely walk. The dr says I have been walking on it too much and I need complete rest, which is horrible because I like being active. He thinks it may be because I started wearing flip flops and my toes have been trying to grip.

I’m On Fire!

Day two of success! 1460 calories, 1.2 litres of water (my bad!), an hour of walking and this morning a loss of another two pounds, bringing me from 14.12 on monday to 14.9 today!

I knew that it was a matter of getting into it again and once I did then it would all be good, but it was just the hurdle of that first initial day. I remember when I started the first time around, I had similar problems. I just could not get into the dieting so I joined the gym knowing that the more I exercised the less I would eat and within a week I was eating less and less. Then I had a good day and I told myself, ‘right, you did yesterday without any problems, there is nothing to stop you doing today in the same manner’. The more successful days I had the easier it got, and the same is happening this time.

I know they say that we should not put emphasis on the scales but I do and that spurs me on. Granted, it fustrated me when they were not going down and – God forbid – when they were going up, but I knew that was because I was overeating. It is about being honest with yourself. If you restrict your calories and work out, there is no reason (unless medical) for the scales not to work in your favour. Sorry, you’ve got self-rightous Groovybabe back!

I have a doctor’s appointment in less than an hour to get to the bottom of my lethergy. I am a bit nervous as I have not been to the doctor’s in ages, but will be pleased to try and get to the bottom of it. I am really really missing being so active. That said, I have been taking more walks down the seafront near my house in order to get any exercise in, which is better mentally for me than looking at a wall inside a badly-lit gym!

Confidence

I widgetized my sidebar and it messed up the background and looked funny and I couldn’t work out how to fix it so I have taken off my colourful background image. :’( At least it looks clean, I guess.

I went out last night and have vague memories of tequila shots and am feeling rather delicate so the fact that I am writing in here today now is testiment to just how serious I am about wanting to get back on track with losing.

I weighed myself just now and am still 14.9. It is starting to fustrate me a little bit now. I always always lose weight after a big night but I haven’t this week. Probably something to do with the lovely big burger I ate last night (before I went out) but it was delicious! I didn’t dance last night really so did not burn off calories but I did end up walking across the city at 4am on my own to get to my mums house because I lost my friends and had no money on me. I know! I was very scared but luckily nothing happened to me. Actually I ran for a quite a while too. W00t.

When I lost all that weight I felt so confident, I was untouchable. I really felt on top of the world. But the last few months I have started dating again and due to bad choices (when will I learn!?) my confidence has slowly been eroding. It hasn’t helped that due to boy-stress I ended up putting 10lbs on so when I looked in the mirror lately and could visably see those 10lbs around my waistline, my confidence has plummeted further. The last few weeks I have got my mojo back, and my sense of equilibrium, so I have slowly been re-gaining control of what I eat. But the thoughts I have when I look in the mirror these last few days are quite worrying. I haven’t felt this bad about myself (well, my look) since I weighed 19 stone. I really don’t know what I can do about it other than to start losing weight again (don’t bother telling me weightloss on its own won’t bring confidence – it does!) so I need to get really serious about this. REALLY SERIOUS.

Here are my intentions:

• Stick to 1600 calories, or less.
• Do NOT eat during the night. Ever.
• Drink 2-3 litres of fluids every day.
• Some form of exercise every day.
• Gym 3x a week.
• Weigh myself daily.
• Write in my blog daily.
• Keep my food diary updated.

I am also going to the doctors tomorrow for a blood test. I have been feeling wiped out for weeks now and it is not only intefering with my exercise plan but my life in general. I don’t think it can be anything too serious as I have not had it affect my weight but I think it is a good idea to get these things checked out.

Keep Plodding On

I didn’t manage to stay away from the kitchen in the night, but I did try. The fact that the first two times I made myself get a drink only tells me this is a conscious thing. The third time I woke up I had some of my natural greek yogurt with honey (not too bad!) but then I woke up again a fourth time and ended up giving in and finishing the pot of yogurt and more honey (the yogurt turned out to be 600 calories without the honey!!). Plus 3 light digestive biscuits. Oops.

But I have decided to start being honest with myself. None of this stopping writing everything down the minute I fall off the wagon. I got up and put everything into MyNetDiary and it came back at 2500 calories for the whole day. According to that site, eating that amount every day I would still lose 1.1lb per week. This is why this site is beneficial to me. Normally I would consider eating that much a total diaster but it shows me that all is not lost. It also tells me to just keep trying every day and eventually it will sort itself out. I just have to not have things like natural greek yogurt and digestive biscuits on hand at night.

I am going to go shower now and get ready for the gym. I don’t feel up to it at all but I am not giving in. If I only do a weights session that has got to be better than nothing.

Yesterday’s calories: 2500
Yesterday’s exercise: 1 hour of walking
Yesterday’s water: 1litre
Today’s weight: 14.9