Meet You In The Kitchen At 3am?

A couple of months ago I talked about my night time eating. It was a problem then and it is still a problem now. This is intensified by the fact that I suffer from insomnia. But I tend to wake up in the night and half-consciously go and eat, go back to bed, wake up a couple of hours later and repeat the behaviour. This can happen between 2-4 times per night and I don’t know why. I am being so good in the day time and yet including my night time eating I am only just maintaining my weight. I have tried everything I can think of to counter this behaviour. It happens more on sleeping tablets than off then but it is a rare night I don’t eat at all.

I was chatting to my cousin about this at lunch time today. She suffers from it too, we both agreed our rate of loss would be better if we could combat this. We have tried telling ourselves not to do it before going to sleep, having only healthy food around, eating before going to bed, having breakfast but nothing solves it. So I was wondering if any of you have suffered with this and overcome it and if you did and have how did you get past it?

I went to the gym again today. I am so glad I am back into working out, it makes me feel so good. I ran for 10 minutes today and found it fairly easy to do so. I felt so great afterwards, and the weight training is making me feel stronger again.

I eat too much bread, out of all my food vices this is by far the worst. I have gotten into the habit in the last week or so of having a one-egg omelette inside a wholemeal pitta bread, coupled with margarine, this becomes quite calorific. Today I decided to forego the pitta and I had the omelette with a side salad I prepared instead and over halved the calories involved. I felt better for it too. My son is on summer holidays now so I do not need to buy bread for the next 6 weeks, so once the bread we have has gone I am going to try not to eat it at all for a while. It might help de-bloat me if nothing else. What is your food vice?

Reasons

My reasons for wanting to lose weight in the beginning are different to the reasons I have today for wanting to continue losing.

(Sorry if you have read this before) My reasons in the beginning were of a ’sink or swim’ nature. At 19 stone, imprisoned by agoraphobia and a sense that the world hates you, having in excess of 20 panic attacks a day (they merged into constant panic) and being absolutely convinced you are going to die at any given moment there is only one of two ways you can go: sink. or swim. I chose the latter.

It is ironic because at the time I felt so completely out of control that I imagined there was no way I’d lose 7lbs, let alone 70. I decided to use every resource at my disposal at a time when my home life was so completely horrendous that I don’t know how I got through the day to day. I went to the weightloss nurse who put me on Xenical, which really helped me to control my binging. I started writing everything down and didn’t deny myself goodies, I just limited the quantity. I remember in my first week I had cheese and ice cream every day! It wasn’t easy but as the days went on it became more managable. One week soon became two weeks and I started to see the losses that I wanted, nay needed.

In the beginning my main concern was in being accepted by society again. I felt I was so horrendously fat that people did not want to know me. In the supermarket I would come across two kinds of people; those that didn’t see me, and those that laughed in my face. I didn’t notice the people who were polite and pleasant. Looking back I don’t know if that was because they didn’t exist, or I didn’t believe they existed.

As the stones melted away (and they did, I lost fairly quickly), I did become more acceptable in society. It also helped that around this time an old friend called Janet got back in touch. We’d not been in touch for 4 years and at this time I had no friends. I slowly started to socialise more and made more and more friends, which helped my confidence no end. I still hadn’t had sex in seven years due to my insecurities so I wasn’t completely cured but my self esteem was certainly on the rise. It hit a high point in the beginning of this year when I did end up getting over my seven-year itch, I felt nothing could touch me.

But over the last few months, I have had nothing but trouble from the opposite sex (I am still making bad choices!) and my confidence has been dwindling. At the moment it is at an all time low. I have put on a stone through feeling so down about life and men and am starting to feel and look fat again. I think I am starting to come out the other side though because I feel like I am getting my eating under control. But my reasons are no longer about being accepted in society and not wanting to die, because I realise these are no longer issues I need to worry about, but it is more about looking and feeling more attractive. I am at a place where I would like to meet that special person and it is just not happening at the moment so I think I need to make further changes and see if that helps. I know losing the weight I have helped, so losing more can’t hurt.

Starting Again…

I was doing really well with my weightloss and then I developed a really bad infection that put paid to my efforts. However, today is the first day where I feel more healthy (despite feeling a bit fluy) and so here I am with my attempt at yet another fresh start.

I have been really quite bad this past week with food. You don’t want to know the amount of ice cream I consumed yesterday (I blame the sun!). But I *have* been doing a lot of walking again, which seems to off-set too much damage. I think I was about 14.6 when I got ill and last week I was 14.10. Getting on the scales today I convinced myself that I would be out of the 14’s and into the dreaded 15-era again but I was pleased to see I have stagnated at 14.10.

I almost went and joined weightwatchers classes yesterday but didn’t because I really can’t afford to at the moment. I was hoping to go to the gym again today but feeling fluy, and my insomnia being rife, stopped me. I will take my son for a walk down the waterfront later though.

I bought a new pad the other day and I am writing everything down in there. It has tabs on each page so I am writing my weight down in there. So by the time I have used the pad up you will see my weight dwindling down.

Not Great

Hello everyone. Just wanted to say hi and say I have not forgotten about groovybabe or my weightloss. The reason I have been awol all week is I have been really ill. At the tail end of last weekend I developed a urinary tract infection and it really doesn’t want to go away. At first I was diagnosed with thrush and sent away with cream, then the next day I was back and it was a urine infection and was sent away with antibiotic. When 3 days later the pain was still not subsiding I went to the out of hours clinic and they changed my antibiotics. I am now on day 2 of them and there doesnt seem to be any let up of the pain still so I am going to have to go back again tomorrow I think and change my meds again.

I just want to be better. I have been having so much pain passing urine for a week now, it is like passing razor blades. I did also have a fever, blotchy eye sight, felt like I was going to faint and was weeing pure blood at one point. That has all gone now thankfully but I am somehow resistant to the meds and the infection does not want to clear up.

I went out last night, mainly because I’d been in all week and was going mad, but didn’t drink. It was my first weekend off from drinking in maybe 6 months. It feels good this morning not to feel like death warmed up! But the night was rubbish without drink. Even the DJ shouted over the tannoy that I am not the same on water!! But to be fair to myself, I think it is more because I am worn down from the pain of this infection than any ill-effect water-only has on me. Anyway, I ended up coming home at 1am because I was just not feeling the night.

Weightloss this week has been a bit of a bugger. I havent been paying attention at all. I just weighed myself (tomorrow is my official weigh in) and I am 201/14.5, which is what I was at my last weigh in, so being ill has not done me any great good weightloss wise…

Oh, in case you would like to hear more from groovybabe in her day to day life, I have started a blog up called ‘groovybabe: life’ its hosted over at my old groovybabe site on wordpress, which you can find here. Please add it to your feeds.

Yo-Yo

I am in such a fowl mood today, and lately actually, I don’t know what is wrong with me. I am fast losing what I consider myself to have, a laid-back nature. I feel like a yo-yo; one minute down, then up, then down… I guess I will get over it.

I have not let it affect my weightloss plan though. I am well on track. 14.6/202 again today; I was hoping to be down another pound but I can’t expect a loss everyday! I am already half way through this weeks goal of a 2lb loss and I have another 5 days to go until weigh in. My water consumption has reduced the last few days but I have just been shopping and bought some squash so I should be okay now.. (don’t worry, it is sugar free)

My exercise has taken a dramatic drop of late due to the anaemia issue. I am feeling more energetic but am not back to normal just yet. I suspect this will not happen until I get back into the gym though. However, my sleep is knocked out of whack at the moment too, but I picked up some Nytol today so am going to try to get that back on track tonight, and if I am up to it, the gym tomorrow.

I am cooking a lovely stir-fry at the moment. Turkey pieces, thin noodles and lots of veggies in a soy sauce. With lots of herbs and spices. Yummi. Then we will go for a walk on the waterfront as the weather is gorgeous this afternoon.

Recommendations
http://www.physicsdiet.com/FitnessLog.aspx – log your weight every day and it gives you averages of weight, bmi, rate you burn calories etc… it’s a fun tool!

Not So Bad For Us

I am sitting here with a glass of water revelling, nay, basking in the glory that I have the loss of weight under control again. I woke up to another pound down today – 14.6, or 202lbs. I am so happy with this. My stomach is so much flatter but I think that is in part because I came on yesterday. I am so excited for the time when I have lost enough that it becomes noticable. I think the first time around it was at about 20lbs loss but hopefully as I have less to lose now it will be more dramatic sooner. Maybe wishful thinking, though!

This time starting dieting is such a different experience for me. I was morbidly obese, very alone, agoraphobic, living at my mums in a very stressful situation and having about 20 panic attacks a day. If I can manage to lose weight in that environment then frankly there is loads of hope for me now. I live in my own place, don’t have panic attacks or agoraphobia, have a very hectic weekend social life and am only just classed as ‘obese’ (3bmi away from overweight) and I have lots of friends. There is no reason whatsoever for me not to manage it now. Weightloss is not easy, as we all know, and it is a complete battle of the mind, but we also know how rewarding the results can be. THIS is what excites me.

For the record, not that this matters to me one way or the other but is good to have a record of, I am not using Xenical this time. This weightloss is completely natural. I mean it was natural last time, it bugs me when people assume it is not because of the pills, but you just have a helping hand kicking your habits into place. Critics of weightloss pills say the weight will all go back on afterwards or you’ll always rely on the tablets or you don’t learn proper eating habits and while I would agree this is the case with Reductil (which I did try once), it certainly is not the case with Xenical. Xenical is ALL about teaching good eating habits. But even so I am not going to use it just because I can. It was there and very beneficial to me at a time when all other avenues had failed me. I am not in the desperate situation now that I was in then and in some ways that will make weightloss harder but in other ways, easier.

Some people struggle to exercise when trying to lose weight and that holds them back but with me it is food I struggle with. I love food. I am a ganit. I am not fussy, will eat almost anything and in large portions too. Portion size has been the struggler for me. But cutting out bad foods too. Cheese, bread, ice cream, cakes, crisps, chocolate… you name it! I do find it easier to cut out than have in moderation though, and I feel healthier too. So this slightly unorthodox article by Amanda Ursell informing us of bad-foods-that-can-be-good really caught my eye. She tells us the nutritional benefits of red meat, white bread, kebabs, ice cream and butter! Articles like this should come with a warning to be taken with care. It’s all good knowing these can occassionally be ‘not so bad’ for us, but I do worry that some people will take the article literally and use it as an excuse to live on those foods, which would obviously not be sound health advice. But if you read between the lines, Amanda does make this very clear. Personally, I like the idea of ice cream for dessert every night (I actually started losing weight doing this last year!) and do eat red meat for the iron, but I am going to steer clear of white bread I think…

Weightloss Is A Good Thing

I think I mentioned a few days ago that I was doing WLR again. I have tried other programmes including fitday, sparkpeople, mynetdiarty, weightwatchers etc but WLR is by far the best. It has a simple interface and most importantly has a database of English foods. It is not the most extensive programme but it has everything you need for weightloss. It also has a supportive forum and lots of articles of interest. The one thing that has impressed me most though is the package they send you when you join up. You get a book about weightloss and a booklet to write down what you eat. These are things I have received in the past but now they add this spoon collection so you can measure out 1/4. 1/2, 3/4 of a teaspoon and a tablespoon. How handy is that?! It also supplied a measuring tape. Good stuff.

I went to the doctors yesterday and once she got over the idea that I was just wasting her time she did order me a blood test for anaemia. She told me she thought it was nothing to worry about though and if my body is telling me to give up working out then that is what I should do! She asked if I had lost any weight and when I told her 5 stone she looked flabberghasted. I went on to explain that this was a very conscious effort and she just continued to look disapprovingly at me! Oh well, I am happy and that is the main thing!

I did well with food yesterday. I had about 1700 calories but I did eat in the night, oddly. I had an apple and a bowl of Frosties plus a few little cheese triangles. Probably came to about 2100 in total. I need 2500 to maintain so its not a total disaster. I just weighed in and weighed the same as yesterday so it is cool. The thing that is most horrible though is waking up and feeling rubbish because you body has undigested food in it. Won’t be doing that again in a hurry.

It is 2pm and I have just realised I havent eaten today!!!!! I woke up at like 11am anyway but then I got to chatting to my friends and before I realised it, it was this time. I am just cooking a chicken fillet to have in a salad before I get on with some work.

I’m On Fire!

Day two of success! 1460 calories, 1.2 litres of water (my bad!), an hour of walking and this morning a loss of another two pounds, bringing me from 14.12 on monday to 14.9 today!

I knew that it was a matter of getting into it again and once I did then it would all be good, but it was just the hurdle of that first initial day. I remember when I started the first time around, I had similar problems. I just could not get into the dieting so I joined the gym knowing that the more I exercised the less I would eat and within a week I was eating less and less. Then I had a good day and I told myself, ‘right, you did yesterday without any problems, there is nothing to stop you doing today in the same manner’. The more successful days I had the easier it got, and the same is happening this time.

I know they say that we should not put emphasis on the scales but I do and that spurs me on. Granted, it fustrated me when they were not going down and – God forbid – when they were going up, but I knew that was because I was overeating. It is about being honest with yourself. If you restrict your calories and work out, there is no reason (unless medical) for the scales not to work in your favour. Sorry, you’ve got self-rightous Groovybabe back!

I have a doctor’s appointment in less than an hour to get to the bottom of my lethergy. I am a bit nervous as I have not been to the doctor’s in ages, but will be pleased to try and get to the bottom of it. I am really really missing being so active. That said, I have been taking more walks down the seafront near my house in order to get any exercise in, which is better mentally for me than looking at a wall inside a badly-lit gym!

Confidence

I widgetized my sidebar and it messed up the background and looked funny and I couldn’t work out how to fix it so I have taken off my colourful background image. :’( At least it looks clean, I guess.

I went out last night and have vague memories of tequila shots and am feeling rather delicate so the fact that I am writing in here today now is testiment to just how serious I am about wanting to get back on track with losing.

I weighed myself just now and am still 14.9. It is starting to fustrate me a little bit now. I always always lose weight after a big night but I haven’t this week. Probably something to do with the lovely big burger I ate last night (before I went out) but it was delicious! I didn’t dance last night really so did not burn off calories but I did end up walking across the city at 4am on my own to get to my mums house because I lost my friends and had no money on me. I know! I was very scared but luckily nothing happened to me. Actually I ran for a quite a while too. W00t.

When I lost all that weight I felt so confident, I was untouchable. I really felt on top of the world. But the last few months I have started dating again and due to bad choices (when will I learn!?) my confidence has slowly been eroding. It hasn’t helped that due to boy-stress I ended up putting 10lbs on so when I looked in the mirror lately and could visably see those 10lbs around my waistline, my confidence has plummeted further. The last few weeks I have got my mojo back, and my sense of equilibrium, so I have slowly been re-gaining control of what I eat. But the thoughts I have when I look in the mirror these last few days are quite worrying. I haven’t felt this bad about myself (well, my look) since I weighed 19 stone. I really don’t know what I can do about it other than to start losing weight again (don’t bother telling me weightloss on its own won’t bring confidence – it does!) so I need to get really serious about this. REALLY SERIOUS.

Here are my intentions:

• Stick to 1600 calories, or less.
• Do NOT eat during the night. Ever.
• Drink 2-3 litres of fluids every day.
• Some form of exercise every day.
• Gym 3x a week.
• Weigh myself daily.
• Write in my blog daily.
• Keep my food diary updated.

I am also going to the doctors tomorrow for a blood test. I have been feeling wiped out for weeks now and it is not only intefering with my exercise plan but my life in general. I don’t think it can be anything too serious as I have not had it affect my weight but I think it is a good idea to get these things checked out.

More Successful

I ate really badly last night throughout the night but when I woke up this morning I felt nauseous, I had the pre-sick water thing in my mouth, so I didn’t eat a thing until 2pm. I have just logged up my calories on this fantastic new site: www.mynetdiary.com and it has come up at 1600 calories. I also did an hour of walking today as well, so if I manage to not have a midnight binge, I should stay on track with weightloss.

I think I will be alright about not binging tonight. I seem to have begun to lose my appitite today. I guess that is down to feeling sick. I hope I am not feeling wiped out tomorrow and that I can enjoy a workout. Have decided that if my health is still affecting me come Monday I will go have some blood tests (its the panic anxiety sufferer in me worrying – I dont suffer now but the thought processes are still nagging at me).

In non-health related news, this morning I was locked in my apartment! I went to open the Yale lock and the door was jammed. I tried everything to open it and was about to ring the landlord to come out and sort it out when my Daddy arrived randomly and managed to fiddle it open! Phew!

I have updated the site again, it is very colourful. I still need to play around with it and touch it up, and sort out the sidebar but it looks different!