Counting Down the Days

I am still not feeling great, but I am at least a little more positive today. I have been good with food all day and my body feels ‘cleaner’ for it. I also went for two walks in the sunshine this afternoon and that has really helped, I think.

I have started using my fitday PC programme again. I don’t really log food in it as being an American programme it is too ardous to type in all my English foods from scratch, but it is a very useful tool in tracking my weightloss and measurements. As you can see I have set myself a new goal. I am putting my past weightloss down as a completed challenge and starting afresh today. If I aim for a loss of 2lb per week by Christmas I can be within the normal healthy range. That is in less than 6 months. I can be normal before the year is out! Seeing it this clearly is spuring me on.

I have made a decision to get some kind of exercise every day for seven days and see if that improves my mood. I am also going to keep eating well and writing everything down. I know I have been here before and said this stuff one too many times but I have to keep trying. I have to just remember that this is within my reach, all it takes is a bit of effort and concentration on my part.

I wrote about feeling so down constantly and I know the last time I felt like this weightloss is what turned my life around so I know what I have to do. At least this time I have half the distance to go that I had the first time around and I can reach goal much quicker. In 26 weeks. Half a year exactly.

It Points Out My Fat

I am 4lbs down since Monday. I can see it in my face. I feel much better for eating right, inside. I feel in control. There are so many positives from doing this. I am really proud of myself for managing to do it this week of all weeks because my life has been dramas ahoy (just for a change) and I have at all times stuck rigidly to my weightloss plan. This tells me this time I am going to do it again. I am quite excited by this. I can’t wait to start getting comments from the people in my life who only know me at this weight. I can’t wait to hit the ever elusive 13 stone era (although that will be a few weeks away yet)…

You know what I am really looking forward to? When I hit the 12 stone era because I do not consider that to be fat, just overweight. Hopefully others will not consider it to be fat too. It’s also going to be easier to reap the health benefits of weightloss now I weigh less to. After all it will take less pounds to reach a ten per cent drop…

I bought a jean skirt yesterday. It’s the first one I have owned for maybe ten years. I bought a size 16 because that is what I am, but I somehow convinced myself that there was no way it would fit me because I am kidding myself if I think I am a size 16. But of course it fitted me, because I AM a size 16 (UK, remember). However, it was quite tight fitting and while I think it is passable in the day time I would not feel confident enough going out on the pull in it. It points out my fat, or at least I feel like it does. So I guess I am back to the drawing board about tomorrow night.

Talking of tomorrow night, I am giving up beer again. I am going back to sticking to diet coke and vodka. It didn’t do me any harm in the past and will help me to lose weight.

(Oh can I also point out to those of you who have misunderstood – xenical is NOT an appitite suppressant. It blocks 30% of the absorption of fat from being digested into your body, meaning your body turns to the fat stores you already have quicker to burn off, that is all.)

Sleepful Eating

I did well yesterday. I had 1446 calories by the time I went to bed, and with 90 mins walking and a weights session under my belt I thought I was doing quite well. I was asleep two hours, woke up half asleep and made myself a cheese sandwich. At about 4am I sleepily repeated this again. :S

I have to stop eating while asleep!!

I also had almost 4 litres of fluids yesterday.

Well today is a new day. The WLR trial is only one day now so I no longer have that. I am just writing it in my paper journal like I was when I first started.

I have a really bad tummy ache right now. Gah.

RECOMMENDATION
http://www.joesgoals.com – Here is a little website for tracking your goals. It’s really good, have a look.

Mix Up

Current Weight: 14.0 stones
Yesterday’s Weight: 14.3 stones
Yesterday’s WW Points on track? Yes
Exercise Taken Yesterday: None
Challenge Points: 4

I am back to putting this information at the top of the post because when I was doing that last time it really helped me to stay on track and lose weight. So you can see from this information that yesterday I had a good day of staying on track. It was my first such day in many weeks. I find it so hard to keep the motivation when I havent been doing it for a while but I maintain it is a lot to do with the chemicals from bad foods that make it so uncontrollable. I woke up yesterday after my night out on Saturday and just decided that would be the day I get back on track. Instead of gorging on bad foods to nurse my hangover, which I have been doing lately, I decided to cook up a treat in the way of a home made vegetable soup. It was lovely and curbed my need for bad foods and binging. Lately I have had a real problem with eating through the night (because I don’t sleep well) and last night was the first night I did not feel the need to do that, despite being up until 4am, so there has to be a connection between eating bad foods and wanting to gorge in the night. It is all good though.

You may wonder what the “challenge points” are? Well Betz and I have been talking about setting up a new challenge to help re-motivate us into weightloss. Rather than go for who can lose the most weight, we thought we would offer points for good behaviour, and then the person with the most points at, say, the end of the month is the winner. If you would like to get involved with this then leave a comment and I will update your results every week (on a Monday). Here is how you get points:

• Staying on track with food (either on points or under 1500 calories) – 3 points
• Full workout at the gym – 3 points (half arsed one, 1 point)
• 5 fruit and veg – 1 point
• 2litres of water – 1 point
• 30 minutes of exercise – 1 point (you cant count this into your gym workout to get more points, this is exercise other than a gym workout)

If I can think of other things to add for points then I will, if you have any ideas then let me know, but these are the basic stay healthy-stay on track incentives. I will do a weekly update, but the overall winner will be monthly.

I have changed my layout back to my original one. This is psychological in the main part. I was doing really really well when I had this layout. So I am hoping by putting it back up it will bring me success again. Plus it is pretty.

Today is also weigh in day. Last week I weighed in at 14.0 stones (196lbs) but over the next four days I was gorging through the night uncontrollably as I hinted at above, and by Thursday weighed in at 14.9!!! Saturday I weighed in at 14.3 and today I have weighed in at my lowest weight again of 14.0, so while I havent officially lost on my weekly weigh in, it is a huge success that I managed to regain control again and not end up two stone heavier. I am really looking forward to being in the 13’s now, like you cannot imagine. And it is going to happen in the next few days!!

Incentive

This post is bought to you from Hangover City, LOL. Ha! Yes, I went out last night and actually I havent slept yet as my sleep is so rubbish at the moment!!

I am writing this with a hangover to demonstrate how on my mind all this weightloss stuff is. I really want to lose a bit more weight to take me to the next level but I have a reason for urgency now! And, yes, it involves a man! A very very lovely man who is one of my best friends in the world. A bit of back history.

I bet him in 1995 and instantly fancied him, but a generic experience with many fatties, he started dating my ultra gorgeous, slim and confident best mate. Me and said friend drifted apart while they were together (3 years) and because I’d had her brothers baby and we’d split up. Once my friend and her BF split up I was able to pick up a friendship with him. He always knew I had a crush on him, and he wasn’t interested because he is a self-confessed lover of petite girls, and I am anything but! But over the years we developed a very close friendship from this odd situation. We’ve had our ups and downs (my ego doesnt cope when he wants to date my girlfriends after that initial experience!) and actually last year I walked away from our friendship because he was flirting outrageously with my best friend and I could not cope with it. But when he realised I had cut him out of my life, and why, he rang me up and apologised for upsetting me, and told me just how much I mean to him. That was nice because he’d never said before. He also told me I mean more to him than a flirt with my BF and assured me I had nothing to worry about there. This is a guy friend who has no romantic interest but have gone to these levels to claim back our friendship. It meant the world to me. He now tells me how he feels all the time. Since we got back in touch we have become closer and closer. Don’t get me wrong, as much as I love him, this is not a romantic closeness (unless I am a size zero some time soon that is never going to happen!). We talk on the phone all the time and I cherish his friendship probably more than I do anyone else in my life. And I know I am one of his top peeps too.

He is my biggest supporter in everything I do, from pursuing guys I like, my career, my son and especially my weightloss. The last time I saw him (he’s relocated for work) I weighed 18 stone, having just lost my first stone. He is always asking for updates on my weightloss and when I talk to him when I am drunk I keep telling him he better not come on to me when I reach goal (I think thats wishful thinking more than anything else, lol). So I last saw him 4 stone ago, which was last summer. I keep on at him to come down and see me. But he says he has nowhere to stay so I have told him he can come and stay here. We did a deal that if I cook him meals he will come and stay, as he loves food. I told him he is in good company, LOL. So, to recap, I havent seen him since I was 18st. I am now 14 and I am going to try and arrange it so that he comes down for my birthday weekend, which is in the middle of March. So now I want to lose another stone for when he visits me! (Don’t worry, this is not about us getting together but just so I can get a few compliments, lol) I think it is a pretty good incentive!!!

We were chatting about weightloss the other night actually. He tells me that he thinks I am aiming too low as a final goal. He’s told me off about this more than once actually. I want to be 9 1/2 stone and a size 10. But he says that will be too small for my frame, that I will be too “bony”, LOL. He thinks I should aim for a size 12. But then in another conversation he will describe his ideal woman as weighing 8 1/2 stone!!! He amuses me, but I feel thankful for such a powerful insight into the psyche of a man!

On a different note, another side of me is fearful of losing any more weight. Loose skin is really starting to be a problem, to the point where I am self conscious about it. I worry that the more I lose, the worse it will get. But then I think I either lose weight and reach my goal and put up with saggy skin/have an op, or stay quite fat and still not be happy with what I have got. I dont really have much choice do I!!!!

So anyway I am back in the gym tomorrow, and back on weightwatchers and am really going to refocus myself and get to the next stage in time for his visit, and my birthday!! Wish me luck!!

meme stolen from betzymonster

I am working in pounds. I did try kgs but it got too confusing for me!!

Current weight=209 lbs

3lbs down means I’m 206lbs (14.10) and:
- 2lbs until my challenge goal with Betz
- 60lbs down from my start weight
- Half a stone down from starting weightwatchers

3 more lbs down means I’m 203lbs (14.7) and:
- One pound lower than my first challenge with Betz!
- 14 and a half stones, meaning I am well into the 14’s and unlikely to see the 15’s again
- 32.8 bmi, down from 43 when I started

3 more lbs down means I’m 200lbs (14.4) and:
- Only one pound to Onederland
- One stone lighter than when I got back into losing weight
- 66lbs down from the start!

Weigh In (Week 22)

I finally managed to get my scales back.

I was really nervous about getting on them today because it has been since the beginning of the week since I’d weighed in, a long time in my book. I have had 4 good days and 1 day that went to pot. On my good days I was only having 1200-1300 calories, sometimes less, so I knew that I would be covered for my one day that went to pot. And anyway, it was only late afternoon when I lost control so although I ate more than I normally would I didn’t go stupid. So I thought if I am not at least 15.5 I will cry after all my refocused effort this week.

I eventually got on the scales and was 15.6… :/ so I decided even though I am not UNDER 15.6 I have gotten back to that and that is what matters. Last night I had a constipation problem (which is odd on Xenical) and thought I was going to explode from inside from the build up. My stomach had ballooned massively and I was in pain but I couldn’t go. So I ate some fruit to get moving and that helped a bit. I got rid of some but not all. This morning I went before weighing and couldn’t go. So when I saw 15.6 I thought if I could just release my bowels I would get under 15.6…

So I had a lay down on the sofa and drifted off to sleep again (it’s not Sunday for nothing!) and when I woke up the constipation healed itself and I weighed in again. 15.4. YAYAYAY. So I get a pen and paper and do the full weigh in so I could measure everything and it came up at 15.3! I am so happy I could cry! I never thought I was ever going to go under 15.6!

So, compared to my last official weigh in a week and a half ago I have lost 6 pounds! But to be honest I only really count it from 15.6 so it is 3 pounds. But still, thats fantastic!

If I keep doing what I am doing then with any luck I should be at 15.0 by next week, which will see me at a loss of FOUR STONES!

I am totally not being hard on my self when I do fall off the wagon. Lately I have done it a bit but only once since I turned over my new leaf. And that was because I was feeling so low from not being able to work out that day. And because I was able to take it for what it was I was able to get back up on the horse and keep riding and see losses instead of going down and up all the time. And as my calories are quite low on good days (Around 1200) I can afford to have an odd bad day in the week. I am now only weighing in once a week because my emotions are too tied into what the scales say. Weighing daily did work for so long so well but I am in the next phase of weightloss now.

The last couple of days I have really started to notice it again in my body. The area above the chest has gotten so slimmer, its like a body of an overweight person rather than a morbidly obese person now. And I am only 4 BMI from being overweight and no longer obese. That has got to be something to celebrate.

Review

I didn’t have any trousers to wear to my review today so I ended up digging out the pair I first wore to the gym six months ago. I looked ridiculous. Baggy isn’t even the word. The bum was hanging down miles further than my actual bum and I could probably fit a normal sized thigh in the legs in addition to my own heafty limbs. On top of this I had to wear a top that was 3 sizes too big. So you can imagine how rubbish I felt as I made my way to the gym. I just tried not to think of the WHOLE pizza I ate last night or the fact that I have been struggling so much lately.

When I got to the gym I just signed in and was going upstairs to hang my coat up when the instructor who signed me in shouted up after me, ‘you have a meeting today, don’t you?’ She was just a random instructor who I don’t have much to do with (she signed me up to the gym but I’ve not spoken to her since) so it got me to wondering whether I am the talk of the staff room! I kid, but it did make me wonder.

My instructor specifically asked if my health was okay so I told her about my injury. She has taken the abs work off my plan for the next 6 weeks as she thinks that could be aggrevating my back. She was really sweet and said to stick to my workout but if it is giving me too much pain to take some time off.

So she weighed me and the gym scales came up at 15.6, and they’re usually a couple of pounds up from mine, so that impressed me and made me feel good. They showed an 18lb loss since my last review. I’d also lost over a stone in pure fat since then too (3% of my body weight). She told me that normal sized people have about 2 stones of fat in their body so I only have about 4 stones to lose (56lbs) until I will be in the normal range (I have 80lbs to lose until I get to my ‘ideal’ weight). She thinks once I get to 12 stones (168lbs) my body should look fine. I said I want to get to 9 and a half (136lbs) but she reckons I’ll only need to get as low as 10 stone (142lbs) to look fab!

She took my measurements and I have lost 12.25 inches since last time. Four inches of which were off my hips alone. One-two inches on my arms and legs, an inch off my waist and bust. So I can’t really complain! You can check out my stats here.

She was sooooo enthusiastic about my progress. She once again told me I am the person whom she has seen the best progress with and was like if we ever have a Member of the Month I am going to speak to my manager about giving it to you straight away because you’ve done so well! Bless her at the end of our meeting she starts asking when I am in next. She wanted to make sure I was in tomorrow like I said I would be. Then she starts asking me what flowers I like. So I asked her what she was up to! She said she wanted to get me some flowers to say well done on all my hard work. I told her she doesn’t have to but it would be a psychological boost. It just goes to show even though I have struggled on the day to day lately, I AM doing well with the bigger picture. I told her that her enthusiasm really helps too. I’ve actually had it in my mind for a while to get her a card when I’m at goal to say thanks because I think a nice instructor who is supportive makes soo much difference.

We got to talking about clubbing and where we go and things and she starts asking me if I am ready to start dating yet. I said I have a bit more confidence but I want to wait until I get to where I am going before I think about things like that. She’s asking if I am single, how long I have been single and how long I was with my ex for. Then she starts telling me again that there is no harm in being open to offers now even if I want to concentrate on my weightloss. I thought she was going to present me with a subject for the marriage she was arranging for me at one point! LOL, she is too funny!

I have a new workout routine that sees me doing 10 minutes warm up on the bikes, 15 minutes on the XT (reduced 10 minutes at my request), 35 minutes on the treadmill (increased 10 mins) doing jogging and walking, then lat pull down (20kg, 4/20), chest press (10kg, 4/20), tricep pull (7.25kg, 4/20) and bicep pull (6.25kg, 4/20). As I mentioned earlier there is no abs work but instead of the leg press she wants me to use the fitball against the wall and push myself up and down the wall :S LOL.

Today as it was my fourth time there this week I just did 10 minutes warm up and 10 mins cool down, stretches and 35 minutes on the tready, 10 minutes of which was jogging. I also walked for 30 minutes getting to and from the gym. I’m going to try and go every day Mon-fri to the gym this week. We’ll see.

Weigh In (Week 19)

I have just had the most blissful seven hours sleep known to man. It took some organising though. As we know my sleep has been on antipodean time lately. Not only that but I’ve been getting two hours at a time and well, on top of being ill, you can guess how that left me feeling. It didn’t help that I had no eating structure either.

So when I woke up fresh (not!) on Saturday evening at 8.30pm to start my day, I decided enough was enough. Even if I cannot sleep properly, I have got to get back into the weightloss. So I signed up to WLR again. I needed something that was going to encourage me to write down everything I consume again. I’d lost 2 stone in the past with this web site so I thought I would give it a whizz again. It’s only a free 3 day trial so if I don’t use it adequately then no harm done. Then I got to talking to my friend, Jackie, who it turns out as found the motivation she needs to lose weight and as we were talking she got me excited about weightloss again. I think that was one of the problems, the process had gotten boring.

So I wrote everything I ate and drank and chatted on the forums within the site and it really helped. I’d eaten all my calories by 7am (because my sleep was upside down) but I ended up forcing myself to stay awake all day to try and sort the insomnia once and for all. I lasted until 6pm (considering I’d been awake since 8pm the night before, that was good going) but didn’t eat a thing all day because I’d used all my calories. I was so pleased with myself. Normally I would talk myself into believing it was another day therefore the calorie count doesn’t count… or something! But I stuck at it rigidly, like the old days.

WLR tells me I can have 1470 calories per day and I ended up having 1570, so 100 over. I didn’t manage 2 litres of water but I did manage 1.5 litres so I am happy. It felt like my organs were floating around in water!! I didn’t do any exercise but I was having that as a rest day to get over the last remnants of the flu anyway, so that is cool. Overall I am very happy with how I managed my minigoals.

I did wake up after 4 hours sleep but forced myself back to sleep and ended up waking up after seven hours, just after 1am. A bit earlier than I’d hoped for but happy that I am well on my way back to a normal sleep. (I will stay awake until 8 or 9pm tonight.)

So I weighed in when I got up, just before my shower, and dun dun dun…. I weighed in at 15.6lbs! I absolutely cannot believe such a difference. A few days ago I did see 15.8 but then when my sleeping was bad it went back up to 15.10 but I didn’t take this as an accurate reading as I’d not been sleeping properly. I need 6-7 hours to get an accurate reading. So in a day or so I have gone down 4lbs, LOL. But I’ll take it as two pounds as I saw the 15.8 before. But whatever, it is so good to see the scales moving again and reminds me that if I am good and follow the rules then it will happen faster. I also started taking Xenical yesterday as I haven’t had that for a few weeks and I am sure that played a role too.

So do you know what 15 stones 6lbs means? I am less than 15 and a half stones, I have lost FIFTY POUNDS (at last)!! I have los 18.8% of my total body weight since I started. I have 13lbs to lose by Xmas to reach my goal of 14.7 (who knows if I might hit 13.13 by Xmas?). I am in the 34 bmi era. That is 9 bmi points less than when I started. I have 15lbs to lose until my half way mark… I could continue all day. You can view my stats here.

Goals for This Week

• Exercise – 3x workout at the gym.
• Drinks – 2litres of water per day.
• Food – under 1470 calories per day; log everything into WLR.
• Diary – write in here everyday.
• Sleep -to get my sleeing pattern back to normal.

A few guidelines for myself. I need to nip this attitude to dieting in the bud and get back on track. I can’t do half arsed attempts, it doesn’t work for me, I am very much all or nothing and I need to cash in on this trait. I need to get right back into it. Be strict with myself like I was in the early days.

I have a friend who needs to lose the same amount of weight as me (6 stones) so we are going to push each other along. I think it is what I need. I just want to see a 2lb loss per week. That is all. I miss that feeling of success.

Also, please check out another friend of mine’s weightloss journal. Some of you will have seen her around – Betzymonster. She is a fantastic person and really funny and I think you should all go check her out and add her to your blogroll. That is all.