Weigh In 07/01/2008

Today’s weight: 14.2
Yesterday’s weight: 14.3
Points consumed yesterday: No idea – I ate an egg sandwhich, an egg in bagel and a crossant, and that is it.
Exercise yesterday: none

Weigh in – I am six pounds down from last monday. I am now 14.2, or 198 or 89.8. I am under 90kgs! I am in onederland! and with any luck this time next Monday I will be reporting that I am in the 13 era.

I went to the gym on Friday morning after all. I was bracing myself for all the New Years Resolutioners and there was only 2 people in the gym, and I was one of them. There was a notice up to say the PT is leaving now, the gym is really changing I dont recognise half of the staff there. I did some good workouts. My sciatic nerve started playing up almost immediately and it has made me really concerned that its going to get the better of my exercise intentions but I needed to work out so I ignored the discomfort and hoped for the best. I feared I would wake up the next morning unable to walk but that did not happen, thankfully. I upped my continous jogging from 10 minutes to 15 minutes. I always make sure I do 20 minutes worth of jogging so soon I will be doing my jogging stint in one go.

I should go to the gym today but I had a really manic weekend. As well as being out on NYE, I was also out Friday and Saturday night too. It was pretty good to have such a fantastic social life and I have made many more new friends through going out. And I get hit on pretty much as much as anyone else these days, which is fab. I also wore a UK size 14 top out on the weekend, much to my glee. My reason for laying off the gym is not because I am tired but because I feel sick and have a throbbing headache. It might just be remnants from the weekend, and I hope so, because that means tomorrow I can get back into it.

Growing Confidence

Today’s weight: 14.5
Yesterday’s weight: 14.4
Points consumed yesterday: No idea – will start counting again today I think. It wasnt enough to put on weight despite me having put on a pound. lol.
Exercise yesterday: 90 minutes walking

I almost went to the gym yesterday morning, but I’d been awake 14 hours and not eaten much of anything for the past week so I thought it might not be the smartest move. I have decided to get my sleep back on track over the next few days and start afresh on Monday.

I love my body. I might be slightly deranged (in admitting it, if not doing it) but now and again I hug my torso and say, all excited like, “I love you, body”. That is how much better I am feeling about myself at the moment.

I cannot get out of the mirror. I just cannot get past how little I look these days compared to how I used to look. My arms are – finally – looking slimmer, my legs, my waist, my face, my chin, my stomach. This has all happened noticably since coming down the last 10lbs. I was sat at the computer yesterday and briefly looked down and there wasnt no big fat stomach looking back up at me. It went straight down. Or looked like it did from this angle, at any rate. When I woke up earlier and hopped on the toilet, half blurry-eyed, I looked down at my legs and did a double-take thinking I would look again and the big fat wobbly thunder-thighs would be back in place of my new slender pins. LOL.

Walking back from the school this morning was the first time I have felt even slightly attractive. I know this has largely come from men taking notice of me again (and not just the odd one, quite a few!) but it doesnt matter. I am finally starting to believe in myself again and I am approaching having more confidence now than I have ever had in my life. A few months ago I would have put myself on a 2 on the Joey Tribbianni scale of 1-10 in assessing appearance, now I think I am a 5, maybe 6.

That, folks, is what all the hard work of dieting and getting back into shape is about: growing confidence to the point where you can start to believe in yourself again. Its not a fallacy, it really does happen once you see real results.

14.4

Today’s weight: 14.4
Yesterday’s weight: 14.6
Points consumed yesterday: No idea, maybe about 10.
Exercise yesterday: none but NYE I walked 3 miles, danced all night, then next morning walked another mile home.

The weight is absolutely FALLING off me. Its Wednesday night and since my official weigh in on Monday I have lost 5lbs. Thats in two days. Fair enough I have been out drinking in that time so there is probably an element of dehydration but even so!

Today I meet my exact half way point. 65lbs lost, 65lbs left to lose.

I weigh 200lbs exactly.

1lb more until onederland. Official normality of body weight versus society. 5lbs more until the 13 stone era.

THIRTEEN STONE ERA!!!!!!!!!!!

Then it is the 12 stone era, which is my next BIG milestone, because I have always thought anything in the 12 era and below is kinda okay. Still need to work hard but I seriously wont have to worry what people think.

Oh I am completely in a UK/Aus size 16 now and fast heading for size 14.

I might do my measurements today.

Happy New Year!

Today’s weight: 14.8
Yesterday’s weight: 14.9
Points consumed yesterday: 17/24
Exercise yesterday: none

Look at my weight! It’s gone down another lb! I have no appitite at the moment and it was such a STRUGGLE to eat 17 of my 24 points. It was my ww weigh in today and since last Monday I have lost SIX POUNDS!

Betzy! I have won our first challenge! I reached half a stone loss!

In ww I have achieved my first 7lb loss star and have lost a total of 10lbs since starting it nearly 3 weeks ago.

I am 204lbs. How close to onederland am I???!!

More importantly, I have reached an important goal. When I weighed 19 stone/266lbs/121kg I set a goal of being 14 and a half stones by the end of the year and I have met that! Well one pound above 14.7 but still, I am not complaining! Given how much of a struggle I have had recently I am really proud of myself for getting there. If someone said to me this time last year that I would weigh 14.8 in one years time I would have laughed myself into a stroke. LOL.

I am ending the year with a 62lb loss! SIXTY TWO! How fab am I? And I did that inside 6 months!!!

I am going out tonight to celebrate the new year. I can’t wait. I havent been out drinking for about five or six weeks!! I really need to de-stress, and de-stress I will.

Happy New Year to everyone who reads this journal. Thank you for sticking with me during the ups and not so ups! You rock!!

How exciting!

Today’s weight: 14.9
Yesterday’s weight: 14.12
Points consumed yesterday: 26
Exercise yesterday: none

Wow! Look at the weight dropping off me! How I have missed thee!

I have lost 3lbs over night! And I had 2 points over my maximum. In fact, I didn’t even count my points all day but decided to tally it up at the last minute and I was just about okay. Eating enough, it turns out, is really important!

14 stones 9lbs.  205lbs. 92.9kg!

Tomorrow is ww weigh in, let’s hope I can keep the scales down for it!!

What’s Good for Kafka!

Today’s weight: 14.12
Yesterday’s weight: 14.13
Points consumed yesterday: ???
Exercise yesterday: none

Yesterday morning I woke up absolutely ravenous after only eating half my points the day before (and only 17 of 24 the day before that). However I was determined to stay on track so I stepped on the scale as normal. 15.0 it read. That can’t be right, I’ve eaten hardly anything and a 1lb rise??! So I got on the toilet and then weighed in again 14.13. Phew.

I’d planned on having a nice big breakfast of Bagel and omelette coming to 5 points but when it came to it I didn’t want to use that much on breakfast only to panic later in the day and end up binging. So I had an omelette and one piece of wholemeal bread. But it didn’t touch the sides, so I ended up having cereal too. 5.5 points in total. Not bad. But then I was still hungry so I had another bowl of cereal. Only I didn’t weigh it this time. Then I had another bowl. By this time I figured it was probably best that I didn’t attempt to add my points up because finding out I’d had over half my allowance for breakfast would have sent me on a slipperly slope. However, I was now satisfied (lol). So I didn’t eat until lunch. I could have gone without tbh but wanted to stay on meals. So I just had two pieces of weightwatchers fruit loaf with marg. 2.5 points. Then I had my dad over for the afternoon so I didnt eat in front of him until dinner at 5pm. Burger in a bun, spicy wedges and fresh veg. Probs about 6 or 7 points. Then there was the cava he bought with him. I had about 2 glasses. I dont even know how many points alcohol is (its my first drink all christmas though). Then when he left I found myself with 2 more pieces of fruit loaf with marg, a bread roll and also about 2 inches, maybe 3 of my sons stick of rock.

Needless to say, while this is not on a par with my normal binges, I was not looking forward to weighing in today. But I am a pound DOWN! 14.12/208 thankyouverymuch!

I’ve often heard people say that it is not so much how many calories you have in any one day but you should divide the weeks calories by 7 and as long is that is okay you should be okay. But I have had two binges this week (the other day being christmas day) and am 2lbs down so far (my last ww weigh in on Monday was 15.0) so I must have one hell of a motabolism these days (especially as I am not exercising at the moment). Some times more (food) is less (on the scales), LOL!!

My dad wanted to take a picture of me on his mobile phone and I created because urgh I am so FAT. LOL. But he showed me afterwards and it shocked me coz while I wasnt Kate Moss, I looked okay. It always shocks me when I see a picture of myself and I look okay. I can look in my mirror all day long and I swear I must still be seeing my 19 stone self looking back. I dont think I do but I must coz its a shock when I see I am looking okay in photographs. The metamorphosis is an interesting one. It is something I am thinking of pursuing in my writing. Well I would if Kafka hadn’t jumped in there first. LOL.

My Sciatica is on the mend, finally. I still have a few tingles but its largely gone. Come Monday I should be good for a workout! W00T!

Yay!

Today’s weight: 15.0
Yesterday’s weight: 15.4
Calories consumed yesterday: 1400
Exercise: 20 minutes walking.

Do you like my Bridget-type entry above?

I am now absolutely convinced that I was so hungry the whole time because I needed more fat in my system. After eating what I ate yesterday (omelette fried in olive oil, burger in a bun and curly fries) I have lost 4 pounds over night. I think I had about 1400 calories in all. Normally under those circs I would go down 1lb, maybe 2. But 4? wtf! Whatever, I certainly am not complaining!

It has really helped me to get re-inspired with weightloss too. I seriously havent felt this strong about it for months. I just hope it lasts longer than 24 hours, LOL!

Perceptions

Wow, what a fantastic workout that was! Sleeping well really does set me up for a good workout. I jumped on the Bycycle to do my warm up and did 1km more than I did yesterday in the same time. Then I hopped onto the XT and really seemed to want to go to town, averaging a speed of 10.2 (I was in the 8’s previously). Then I did 20 minutes jogging in a 35 minute interval training session on the treadmill. That is double what I normally do. If that does not shift the pounds then nothing will.

I got in the gym fairly early (8.30am) and it was pretty much empty. While I was on the XT my instructor came up and asked me if I’d lost “even more weight”. I said only about 5lbs since my review (4 weeks ago). She said my waist was looking much smaller, she and her colleague were discussing it, apparently. LOL. The desk is just behind the XT so I cannot see them. I told her that was interesting because I have been fustrated at how slowly it is coming off lately. She told me not to worry as I have been ill. Then after I finished on the XT I walked past them to go to the toilet. When I came back out again they called me over to the desk. “Look at this,” my instructor says and begins to turn the computer monitor around. OMIGODNOWAY are they going to show me my security photo. Gahgahagah. This is the photo they took of me when I joined six months ago and the picture that is on my gym card. I said I cannot look at it and they were like but look how far you have come!!! LOL. I then told my instructor I’d hit the 4 stone mark now and she is like “you’ve done it!” and I reminded them that no, I am half way there! “Yes,” they said, “you are HALF WAY there.”

(Please note: I technically have another half a stone until I am at the half way mark.)

Some Thoughts

I weighed in at 14.12, or 208lbs, or 94.5kg. I didn’t end up doing a proper weigh in coz I am lazy. I will do one some time this week, possibly tomorrow or Friday. I have decided to have a proper weigh in once a month now because my rate of loss is much slower I just don’t feel I need to declare my weight on a weekly basis. I will still weigh in most days and update my sidebar accordingly.

Although my previous lowest weigh in was 14.13, I did go up to 15.3 again. The day I left for London (Friday) I weighed 15.2 so I have in fact lost 4lbs in 4 days of being in London. I only really ate my meals when I was up there but I did consume a lot of bread so I am hoping to reduce that again this week. I wish I could do without bread entirely but when I do I get obsessed with rice crackers and end up consuming more. And I am not inventive enough to come up with alternatives the whole time. I might have another go at making sushi this week.

I have just walked my son to school and I jogged half way home! Outside. In public. Heh. After how weak I felt in the gym yesterday I am taking every opportunity to raise my game. I also want to get into the low 14’s and late 13’s. It is funny, now I am in the 14’s firmly I am allowing myself to dream of the 13 stone era. I have a way to go yet but it is so much closer than it ever was and it is so exciting. I am also looking set to weigh under 200lbs by Christmas/New Year. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I am really starting to fall in love with my figure, possibly for the first time in my life. I guess because I was so big I can fully appreciate how far I have come. I love that my figure is more a straight highway than a short bumpy road with lots of twists and turns.  I love how I can do so much more with my body now I have lost a lot of the excess weight. I love how I can look so much better in clothes and wear clothes I couldn’t dream of wearing in the past. I love the attention I am getting, and how I am treated so much differently.

Colleen Nolan from Loose Women was saying yesterday that she has lost 3 stone now and people treat her so much better. But not only that she is getting more offers of work now she has lost weight. People used to tell me I was imagining it when I would say I would be treated badly for being fat. Or if I wasn’t imagining it then I was paronoid because how can I possibly know it is because I am fat? But believe me, if you are being treated badly for being fat then you know about it. And I feel completely justified in those feelings now because I am treated absolutely differently these days.

There is a guy I have known for ages, years. We met online but met in real life in 2002 once. I was pretty fat then (about 18 stone) but he was cool. We had fun for a few days (purely platonic) but the last few days he has seen pictures of me at my current weight and keeps making remarks about me in a romantic light. I am not interested in him in the slightest in that way, I never have been. But it is kind of a little bit offensive that he is only seeing me in this light now, when we have known each other 6 years. I am the same person I always was. Well up to an extent. I guess personality does change with weightloss, but it is not my personality he has been commenting on. He is not the only one. I have lots coming out of the woodwork who have strangely been rather quiet the last five years or so, and lots of newbies too. Anyone who says weight is not the be all and end all is clearly deluded.

***

I walked up the slope from Waterloo East train station yesterday over to the main station, something I haven’t done since I was at my fattest. It used to be quite an ordeal getting up there. On shows that enable people to lose weight they always use bags of sugar or lard to express how much a person loses and I always thought that was not true. While it probably was the same weight for weight, it was different carrying it. But walking up that hill and noticing just how much easier it was I realised I really have lost 58lbs of lard.

***

The governement/media have come up with yet another angle to berate obesity. Apparently, being obese drastically increases your risk of dying in childbirth. Now I know childbirth while fat is not the nicest experience as I talked about before, but the BBC article in question says that “More than half the 295 women who died [in the UK] during or after pregnancy between 2003 and 2005 were overweight or obese.” But then later on the article actually states that “Fifteen per cent of the mothers who died were morbid or super-morbidly obese.” So over 35% were”just” obese as opposed to “morbid” or “super-morbid”, which actually suggests it is more dangerous to have a BMI of 30-39 in pregnancy than 40+! At least if you are going to write an article with dramatic headlines make your piece stand up. LOL

Mixed Up Mess (In My Head)

I am sorry I have been AWOL for a few days. I have been going through some emotional turmoil and I wasn’t following my diet much less bothering with mine or other people’s blogs with any sense of commitment.

My sleep, due to the emotional turmoil, has been a complete mess too. As a result I have been eating crap (mostly bread) and not eating meals and stuff. Day and night. I was really worried about getting on the scales this morning as it was the first time in 3 days but doing so has saved me. I have lost 3lbs. REALLY not sure how that one happened! I have been GORGING. And I havent been to the gym in over a week. I guess my motabolism is just in much better shape these days. (I have the flu/cold as a reason for not having been to the gym.)

When we think about losing a significant amount of weight, we do think of the problems we may encounter. These, we assume, are largely our own psychological issues. But to anyone who has lost a significant amount of weight, or if you know someone who has, do you find personal relationships change with the weightloss?

The dynamics of some of my relationships are changing. Some for the better, others not so much. I really do not want to go into details here but I guess losing weight, gaining in confidence and becoming more attractive to the opposite sex can bring its own problems. How we deal with them is paramount, I guess. I lost my social skills to a large extent when I became morbidly obese and am trying to re-learn them but it is a long and sometimes debilitating journey. For example, looking better in the mirror than I feel in my head is weird. You have the new found confidence from obviously looking better and yet your head-space is still screaming ‘you fat, good for nothing, waste of space – go hide now!’ Trying to bring the two together, while trying to convince those around you that you are still ultimately the same person you was six months ago is a skill I am yet to learn.